Spring Break Forever, Bitches!

Spring Break Forever, Bitches!

For the sake of this article, I assume that there are still people in the world who have this website bookmarked after the countless redesigns and the general lack of new content since the autumn of 2011. Also, based on our previous output, I am going to say that all four of you (this number includes Nr|Five and myself) probably are men. Of course, we mean no offence to any women who love to come to criticasm.com for its insightful articles on the dvd releases of bad superhero movies. Anyway, having now established that we are all modern men of the internet era, I suspect you my dearest reader might already have heard of the subject of my newest film review: SPRING BREAKERS. In fact, some of you possibly circled the release date on your calendar with a big red marker.

Spring Breakers Poster Wish You Were Here

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Spring Breakers is the latest film by Harmony Korine, who is known for writing the infamous KIDS, and directing similar controversial titles such as GUMMO, JULIEN DONKEY-BOY, MISTER LONELY, and TRASH HUMPERS. Now he is back with a lovely tale about four college-aged girls who decide to rob a fast food restaurant in order to pay for their spring break. What follows is a delirious trip with what the MPAA has called “strong sexual content, language, nudity, drug use and violence drug use throughout”.

Spring Breakers Alien Girls Outside Cropped

The film got significant media buzz because former Disney Channels starlets Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez were cast for two of the main roles in what is certainly not a family friendly feature. Now please hold your horses, you definitely want to go out and see SPRING BREAKERS, but not just for a chance to catch a glimpse of the lady parts of some teenage idol. It’s not “Disney Girls Gone Wild”. Frankly there isn’t that much to see, but more importantly the movie has so much more going for it than just tities.

Spring Breakers Police Car

Similar to THE LIMITS OF CONTROL this is a film you need to let yourself get lost in. It’s take a while before it gets going, but once the girls have pulled off their heist and most of their cloths the fun really starts. They meet Alien, an unrecognisable and greatly enjoyable James Franco, who later bails them out of jail when they’re arrested during one of the many parties they attend. At this point Selena Gomez’s character – disgusted with Alien’s lifestyle and his drug dealing ways heads backs home, which concludes the most normal part of the movie.

Spring Breakers Alien With Girls

Since I don’t want to spoil too much, I will just give a frustratingly vague round-up of some of the things that happen next and why you definitely don’t want to miss this film in your local cinema. Let’s just say Spring Breakers will expand your musical tastes. I’m not talking about the soundtrack by Cliff Martinez and Skrillex, which is great but exactly what you would expect it to be. No, SPRING BREAKERS will finally make you come to appreciate the song writing talent of Britney Spears. Who knew that was possible? Also, and I’m very sorry Nelly, but this film contains the best rendition of “Hot in Herre” ever.

Spring Breakers Guns

Also, after watching SPRING BREAKER you will want to put the following items on your next grocery list:
Shorts in every color.
Designer T-shirts
Golden bullets (for killing vampires)
Scarface. (to be used for a constant on-repeat presentation)
Escape, by Calvin Klein (to be mixed up with CK Be)
An art piece for a bed
Blue Kool-Aid
Nunchucks, shurikens and sais (important to have different flavours)
Blades as well
Dark tanning oil
Machine guns

Still not intrigued? Go watch the trailer below. After that you should be running to your favourite multiplex. If you not yet convinced, please check your pulse and reconsider your definition of fun.

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