The Day My Life Stood Still

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL is a remake of the classic film, which dates back to 1951, only this time we get to see Keanu “Wooow” Reeves as the big bad alien, who tells us we are all doomed and are going to die. Was the original movie about the Cold War, the remake is more centered on the humans destroying earth due to their way of living. So does the remake bring us anything worthwhile?

The Day The Earth Stood Still movie poster

O my f*ckin God can I please have the 103 minutes of my life back. The movie is complete bollocks and the acting …. O do not get me started about the acting! Alright, alright… take a breather… *breaths in*, *breaths out*. F*ck, sh!t, cr@p, the horror the absolute horror!!!

Good, now that is out of my system we can go back to reviewing this abomination (if even possible). The movie starts with the discovery of an alien globe, after which we see Jennifer Connelly teaching a class about alien microorganisms. Jennifer plays dr. Helen Benson, who is picked up by the US government later on to help out with an UFO heading towards earth. She and more specialists are gathered to come with a plan to save mankind. However they all come to the conclusion that whatever is heading towards earth, will simply destroy it because of its velocity and sheer size. The UFO however lands gently in Central Park and that’s when shit hits the fan. Klaatu emerges only to be shot by some trigger happy first person shooter Counter-Strike wannabe pro-gamer. Gort now emerges (you know, the big bad bot?) and shuts down every military device. Klaatu tells it to back off and he (or is it a she?) does so.

Gort will kick your ass no matter what!

Now we all have to follow the shot alien to the infirmary and see Keanu Re…, I mean Klaatu being born as a human being. dr. Benson helps him escape and we are now treated with some scenes on “can we kill the Gort” and “yes Honda Civic Hybrid and Toyota Prius are the best cars for our environment”. Wait… I have a Prius also…
Anyway you basically get to see dr. Benson and her stepson on the run with Klaatu being chased by the US military and you see some scenes of the military trying to penetrate Gort.

Klaatu reveals his purpose and tells dr. Benson that the earth shall be CTRL + F5. I mean fully refreshed. On earth shitload of glowy orbs are buried to now gather as much of the different species as possible so Gort can kill all that is human. This of course starts to happen (What? Do not tell me you did not know that? Do you not watch trailers anymore?) and we get to see things on earth being wiped out.

I can sense you are wearing a pink thong underneath that suit

It is now up to dr. Benson to convince Klaatu that humans can change and with the help of John Cleese as Prof. Barnhardt and the very annoying Jaden Smith as the stepson Jacob Benson. They show Klaatu how precious life is and that humans can indeed change. Klaatu now sacrifices his life in order to stop the destruction of the human race. Yeah you read it right, a “superbeing” sacrifices itself for a couple of inferior humans.

Right so I just told you the entire movie in less than 1 piece of paper, so I have just saved you the admission ticket and the horror you have just lost 103 minutes of your life to something as crap as this. But now you will ask me, “Dear Nr|Five, why do you think this is so crap?”

Well dear reader, I shall try to explain myself in the following paragraphs:

  • If you are going to show the end of the world, make it feel believable. Let us see people dieing and screaming out for help. Heck THE HAPPENING even did a better job at that. Do not make it all CGI and show us some inanimate objects being torn apart. That does not impress us.

  • The stepson Jacob Benson was played by the son of Will Smith. Now he was not that bad in THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS, but dear Lord he was so annoying in this movie I would have made a perfect headshot if he stood right in front of me. Though his character was meant to be annoying – hence he did give up hiding spots to the police / army and he kept getting in the way of Klaatu and dr. Benson – there is a difference in acting like an annoying kid and actually being one.

  • Not only the acting of Jaden was horrifying, but that of Jennifer and Keanu were shockingly awful as well. They were not convincing in their role as “specialist” and alien and at times the so called superpowers of Klaatu made my skin crawl. Seriously, you are an advanced race and because of a little booger you can bring someone back to life? The only scene in which acting was decent, is that with John Cleese. In this scene you see Cleese and Reeves arguing about a scientific formula, now that was a great scene!

  • And last but not least, if you are going to remake an old movie and you are going to focus on one the most important themes of current day, please do this convincingly. Because now it looked like yet another movie trying to teach the audience to be good to mother nature or get f*cked over, only this time it will be Keanu Reeves who is doing the f*ckin’.

So a big blockbuster movie at the end of the year. I think it is the only real big movie in December. But THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL is also one of the worst movies in a long time and I would seriously advice to ignore this title altogether or donate the money to me, so I can at least have the impression I spent my 103 minutes earning some money.

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